“Shame is a soul eating emotion” (Carl Gustav Jung)

A great hindrance to a hopeful future comes by remaining shackled to the past.  The inability to forgive ourselves for even the smallest transgression keeps us chained in shame.  From nights of half-remembered debauchery to ill-considered decisions that echo throughout life, the past reminds us that in our humanity, we’ve screwed up.  Our intellectual mind reminds us that we’re human and bound to accumulate our fair share of mistakes, but our hippocampus, the part of the brain that stores long-term memory hates to let us off the hook… “not so fast, aren’t you forgetting something?” it vaunts when it comes up against the reinforcing spirit that heartens us to walk into the future.

Enter a conquering hero, Charlie Sheen.  For the few people in the western world who are unfamiliar with who he is, he’s a famous and equally infamous actor who has lived a life of intense highs and desperate lows, financial abundance above what many could imagine only to lose the lion’s share, the very public airing of his feral sexual exploits, and a tragic spiral into drug and alcohol addiction that was driven by mind bending excess.  Sheen admits, with a sense of bewilderment, he’s unsure how he survived the sheer volume of drugs ingested; his only explanation being that his body chemistry is rarified. 

I recently watched his new documentary entitled “a.k.a. Charlie Sheen” on Netflix.  It was better than I had anticipated and delivered with unflinching honesty the untamed story one might expect of Charlie Sheen.  Sheen, who is currently 8 years sober, was surprisingly articulate and spoke with a mixed witticism and raw vulnerability as he reimagined the most intense moments of his life.  “Shame Shivers,” as he refers to it.  In 2010-2011, Sheen’s final descent into madness came in the form of a very public meltdown that led to an exploitative personal tour called “Tiger Blood” or something to that effect; a one-man show where he ranted nonsensical gibberish on stage, declared himself to be almost super human through the blood of certain Panthera, and was met by the cheers of those who wanted to jump on the crazy train and rail against anything sane and coherent.   

Sheen spoke openly of that inglorious moment in time, with the occasional stammer to remind us just how vulnerable he was.  He regaled to the best of his memory without shrinking, knowing the shame shivers were certain to resurrect through the extracted film clips, and did so without the urge to drown the discomfort in a glass of vodka.  Charlie Sheen has undoubtedly learned a lesson or two in his 60 years to date, one being that as flawed humans, the most interesting lives often come with a redemptive arc.  The dark ash of our past failings may cover us; what matters is how we dust off.

Few of us have, or will, experience the roller coaster ride that has taken Charlie for a spin, but we can learn from the “shame shivers.” When shame once cloaked in darkness is exposed to the light, it becomes powerless in comparison to the valiant truth. 

That’s Winning.