“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde

In the fishbowl world in which we currently live, it’s hard not to know what everyone is thinking. Personal beliefs are shared, inordinately, through social media, group texts, bumper stickers and cartoon-faced emojis to name a few. Intransigent decisions have been made as to where not to buy porkchops due to a butcher’s political affiliation, which was displayed along with the hanging salami.

With that, here are some lesser-known things I believe that ring true:

I BELIEVE schadenfreude has universal appeal and is a hidden ingredient in the acai bowl of life. Everyone who has ever been dumped in a romantic relationship secretly wants to hear news of their ex-partner failing in some way, experiencing a setback, or better yet, getting dumped themselves. The only difference is the more spiritually mature the dumpee, the firmer the line is drawn at injury.

I BELIEVE that most mothers are seldom right, let alone always. They gaslight their children into believing they are so that years later, when they’re tucked away in a nursing home, they can depart this earth with a modicum of righteousness as their thrice-divorced, 61-year old daughter announces that her college boyfriend, the one whom she wanted to marry but was convinced otherwise by her wiser mother, is now a Silicon Valley mogul who rarely touches a drop of alcohol and is faithful to his first and only wife. “He wasn’t right for you…” precedes a last breath.

I BELIEVE if you want to discover if your new romantic partner has healthy self-esteem during the early days of the relationship, secretly check their underwear draw while they’re showering. Nothing says “I’m not worth it” faster than holding onto faded undergarments that have lost their elasticity. If you see holes, it’s better left to a therapist.

I BELIEVE if you’re seeking an adventurous partner for a weekend in Vegas, someone who won’t flinch when you suggest playing the next hand of 4-card poker blind and doubling-down on the chips, pay attention to how they drive, particularly how they maneuver a left-hand turn at a busy intersection as the arrow is about to turn red. If they stop while it’s yellow to avoid the potential embarrassment of being caught in the intersection, the casino life is not designed for them.

I BELIEVE the first outfit you choose for a date or a business meeting is the one you should wear, regardless of how many you try on after it. The subsequent options are simply meant to confuse you courtesy of your inner child, who is speaking to your thoughts in a parental voice so not to allow your head to swell believing you can ace every decision right out of the gate.

I BELIEVE most people will look the best they’ll ever look at age 35. If you think it’s untrue, wait until you’re over 60 and reflect back on past photos. You’re sure to mumble, “Damn I looked good at 35…” Coincidentally, it’s the age people who profess to have had a near death experience claim their deceased loved ones appear to be when they are greeted on the other side.